You don’t have trust issues!
…Or maybe you do. Who knows? But before you wallow in the belief that the way you trust or distrust is a real issue, let’s try dissecting what the term “trust issues” actually means and how it’s used.
Trust, or the lack there of, begins affecting most of us at an early age. I can remember the moment where trust no longer seemed like such an easy concept. I was around 6 years old and I had asked a friend to hold the money my mom had given me. We were on our summer camp trip and I had no pockets. Surely, I could trust her with my soggy 10$ bill. We went our separate ways and when we met back on the bus at the end of the day, I learned that she had spent my money. Not some of it. All of it. She spent it on cotton candy, a Slurpee and a stuffed animal. I was as astonished as a 6-year-old could be.
After a certain age and certain experiences, life may begin to strip you of your child-like innocence and that easy-going, trusting mind-set may begin to vanish. But understandably so, right? I mean…shorty didn’t even leave me some of the 10$. She just spent all of it!
Your guard may rise and it’s natural for you to throw side eyes to any one trying to attain your trust but being picky about it isn’t really an issue.
Why Having “Trust Issues” Is Not An Issue?
Don’t fall into the hype. The term “trust issues’ began circulating heavy once Drake made it a bop back in 2011 but what are trust issues really?
Most people consider trust issues to be the inability to trust others. They are hesitant in forming new relationships and trying new things, all together. Notice, I didn’t say hinder. The very same people who claim to have trust issues still have friends, still make new friends and still fantasize and indulge themselves in sexual or romantic relationships. So what are these trust issues that we speak of? The issue in question obviously isn’t so big for most of us that we refrain from trusting completely. We just question whose deserving of it, more than we did before we began to experience things like disloyalty and disappointment.
Shouldn’t you test something out before completely excepting it as something good or beneficial to you? Shouldn’t you have a little guard of protection before you completely expose yourself to something or someone?
At the end of the day, everyone thinks about themselves. Whether it be to an enormous, selfish extent or to an extent that allows one to still consider other people’s feelings, everyone is still out for self. So it’s your job to make sure that you are careful in who you allow in your life and it is your right to be picky about it and should be monitored based on your personal level of resilience.
When It Becomes An Issue !
Trust issues are really trust issues when you get into the habit of
A. Letting your lack of trust hinder you completely.
Using the idea of trust to block out everything coming your way is obviously unhealthy. Not only does it block the bad, but it blocks the blessings. Both things that you can benefit from. A complete lack of trust can be crippling and not only keep you in a stagnant place in life, but it can completely cripple you and keep you from going after things that you really want and deserve. Whole time you could have had that shit. But you wanted to have trust issues.
A friend once told me that they didn’t want to get into a relationship with someone who they liked because there was a general possibility that it might not work out. If my eyes could have rolled any further back into my head they would have been in my nostrils. (Not because I was judging) I was frustrated that he would dismiss himself from something he wanted, something he could actually attain, because of “trust issues.” I asked that same friend if he wouldn’t take a good job because one day he may get fired? Sure, you may get lose the job but what if that job taught you things that readied you for the next job you got. What if that job taught you a skill? What if that job made you realize what career you actually wanted to go after? Just forget about all that, huh?
B. When you jump into things or trust entirely too easily.
Now if you want to talk about trust issues, let’s talk about trust issues!
Refraining from getting to know someone before you commit, trust, share secrets with is an issue. I’m not talking about giving people the benefit of the doubt, I’m talking about flat-out TRUST. Remember, people may be looking out for you but they are also looking out for themselves. How they’re cards are dealt may not always be in your favor. Even if they mean no harm and even if they’re intentions are good.
We say it all the time. “Trust is hard to gain.” It’s even harder to regain once it’s broken. There’s no issue in using common sense and rationality to ensure that someone deserves or is worthy of your trust before giving it. Trust is not an obligation.
You could be the most cautious, the most rational, the nicest person in the world. Guess what? There will still come a time where someone may hurt you. Whether trust is the source of pain or not, things still may not go your way. All you can really do is live your life the best way you know how and TRUST the process. If something doesn’t work out then it just doesn’t work out. Take your lesson and keep it moving. Don’t make it an issue if it ain’t one.
Written by: SIS