The “I” in “We”: 4 Ways To Maintain Your Independence In A Relationship

There are too many reasons why people lose themselves in a relationship and most of the time they don’t even realize it’s happening. Soon enough, the honeymoon phase will end or somebody will smack some sense into you and you’ll realize that you’ve become completely dependent on your significant other (S.O.) and the relationship itself. You might also start to feel stuck and /or obligated to consider everything you do as a unit when certain things don’t call for that type of thinking. This type of dependency can cause you to not only lose yourself but the relationship as well. That is why it is key to maintain your independence. If you’ve lost your way look below to see how you can get it right back.


I don’t care what the specific topic is. Communication will always be the key to fixing anything relationship related. If you are starting to feel smothered or like you’re the one doing the smothering, it’s best to tell your partner about it. If not, you may send the wrong signals in your search for some space. Your S.O. may think that you’re backing off for a different reason like cheating or lost of interest. Keep your partner in the loop. Now, there isssssss a chance that they may not like what you have to say but that’s another blog post for another time.

Nourish your relationship with yourself …

Nourishing the relationship that you have with yourself is just as important, if not more. If you’re not making sure that you’re straight, there is a good chance that you’ll lay a lot of your own B.S. onto your S.O. You’ll set unfair expectations and rely solely on them to make you happy. No one is responsible for your happiness. You are. Make sure that you’re taking some time to do things that are solely for you. It’s okay to be selfish sometimes.

Don’t over accommodate…

I get it. I’m a bit of a people pleaser myself and I am currently trying to pray that shit away. Wanting to do things for the person that you’re in a relationship with is natural but constantly putting what they want (or what you THINK they want) before you can be damaging to yourself and the relationship. Eventually, you will become resentful. Shit, half the time your partner didn’t even ask or expect you to do all the extra shit that you were doing. Keep it cute and keep your needs and wants on the priority list. You want to make sure that you know how to compromise without compromising yourself.

Have your own life and respect theirs too…

People in relationships do not have to do everything together. Plan your own outings and expect or encourage them to do the same. No need to get all worked up. Don’t assume that if your partner wants to do something without you that they’re up to no good or that something is wrong. You are more than your romantic relationship. There are other things to tackle, experience and to tend to. Go out there, do you (with respect for the relationship) and when you’re done, go home and tell your baby all about it.


IG/Twitter: @shhh_imSPEAKING

2 thoughts on “The “I” in “We”: 4 Ways To Maintain Your Independence In A Relationship

  1. Yes! I love this! Much needed read. I’ve struggled with putting my significant first.. I can be such a people pleaser. I totally agree with praying that sh*t away! Lol


  2. Amen girl !!!! Communication in a relationship and being able to stand your ground shows such great awareness… especially emotional awareness. I most definitely agree that being able to speak your mind is key in being true to your independence


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